by Motavenda Melchizedek
Note: "This is a work in progress...I am writing, adding to, and editing this piece as I learn more about 'The Law of Attraction' as well as my own core emotions that led to this brutal experience."
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I dedicate this story to my beloved friend Miss Maggie Mae who died in this horrible accident.
She was fourteen years old when she passed away. I had adopted her five months earlier when my friend Sharifa suddenly died. Maggie quickly became the official "Recreation Director" for my little family....making sure we took our walks through the beautiful hills here each and every day and that we made it down to the dog park to roll in the grass before the day was over. She was lovely. Pure joy.
When she came to live with me, along with her friends and other pack members, Belle the Dog, Suzy the Cat and Spidey the Cat...the first sound I would hear when I woke up each morning was the tap..tap...tap of her tail hitting the wall. She was just the happiest girl of all. With her first mom, she was happy but never got to go on walks, and so, we had quite a wonderful four months together as she ran and ran through the hills...unwinding all those years of pent-up energy. It was so much fun to be with her. Even my giant dog Bear loved her and she brought a new happiness to his life too.
Though I wept in my hospital bed about her injuries and subsequent death, I have become aware in recent days that I do still feel a great sadness that I have not yet released over the fact that I was unable to protect her. And that she ended up sacrificed in this horrible ordeal of darkness.
I hope we meet again someday and I am lucky enough to have her in my life once more. In a safe world where the innocent live uninjured, and free, in kindness as they should.
Today, I am visited yet again by terror. I am aware of how scared I am to be hated so violently by someone I do not know who would want me to be brutally injured. There is a woman I will call "Alice" doing this with me now and I have stood up and spoken the truth to her and been energetically and verbally assaulted by her so forcefully that it lingered for days. My whole body ached as though I had been beaten to a pulp by her. Now, I am in her sights again.
It all goes back to the scene of the accident. That was the moment when Alice entered my world. Actually, I had met her briefly a few times earlier but always felt the unhealed state she was in and how precarious I was in her presence. She was trigger happy and ready...even looking...for someone to attack. Just to rid herself of feelings inside her soul that she did not want to feel.
As I begin to listen now to "The Divine Truth Teachings", I am starting to revisit this incident and consider more deeply what led up to such a brutal assault on my body and the killing of my beloved friend and pet Miss Maggie Mae.
The accident really began to happen ten years ago. That is the moment it was set in motion. And, what took place ten years ago, could only have happened as the result of my relationship as a little girl to my own father. Here is a piece, entitled “My Dance”, which describes how I felt then, as a child, living at his mercy.
My father was a violent man who despised me. And I feel now with Alice just as I felt then, as a child, living at his mercy.
It is ten months now since the accident. I was seriously hurt when I was hit by a car while out walking my dogs. Both of my legs were broken, my nose was broken in three places, and my dog Maggie was killed. Here is a link to a short video telling of the accident.
It is ten months now, since the accident. I was seriously injured when I was hit by a car while out walking my dogs. Both of my legs were broken, my nose was broken in three places, and my Miss Maggie was killed.
As I begin to learn more truth about my own soul, I am revisiting this incident and considering more deeply what led up to such a brutal assault on my body and the killing of my beloved friend Miss Maggie Mae.
It was ten years ago, here, on the steps to my little house that our fate was set in motion. I was sitting beside my friend Sharifa who was telling me how she was wishing...willing...that her estranged business partner would break both of her legs. She was furious with her and totally into meting out justice. I had known from early on in our friendship that she engaged in these things. Throwing energy around. Willingly....even boastfully....trying to cause harm to people when she felt it was "justified".
Not unlike Alice.
I had tried to hint, over time, when she disclosed these things to me, that it was not ok to do in my opinion. But, I was always afraid of the energies moving through her, and did not want to provoke her further or lead her to turn the violence on me. So, I was meek and tentative even though my beliefs were strong and clear within me.
So, it was my father's rage really that led me to befriend Sharifa. And it was Sharifa's rage that led me to find myself at the mercy of Alice. And, it was no coincidence, that the first person to greet me when I came too after surgery was a woman even more out of control and violent than all of them. My hospital roommate. Who revealed to me in the days the followed how she had, in her past, ordered the killing of a young mother in revenge and that her body had never been found and told stories of how, even though she runs an animal "sanctuary", she has beaten her own dogs viciously believing they deserve it and it is necessary at times.
I see now the common thread they share. It is their unhealed soul injuries that leave them open to violent spirits, attracted to them and to their own rage, who move energy through them, escalating the violence in their desire to cause destruction and harm to others. They all, both in the physical and in spirit, express total righteousness in their unloving movements. Boasting of their "right" to harm people and animals. Simply because their rage directs them to.
I have known all my life that my father too was possessed by dark spirits. He, at the egging on and in alignment with, rageful spirits, would beat, and verbally and sexually assault as a little girl. My sisters and I would scream out in terror that he was "possessed." We were so afraid...praying in vain that it would end. It was horrible. My father and the spirits with him felt justified in hurting innocent little children. And they felt better when the rage was spent from them and they were relieved yet again.
Since my childhood, through my own "Law of Attraction", I have drawn people to me who were like him. I have acted in identical ways with them that I did with my father when I was a little girl. Feeling paralyzed. Fearful. Afraid to speak about it what I saw happening. Afraid to move out of their range of control and out of the reach of the dark spirits with them. I see now that it was my soul pulling to me the events I needed to get me in touch with my own unhealed injuries so that I could feel the pain and terror that I need still to release from my soul.
It is frightening to know this. To see it. To face it. To move through it. To go back there, to the childhood that was mine, to the place where my own father, and the powerful spirits of darkness around him, felt these same impulses to destroy me.
I was not able to get out of harm's was soon enough.
Part of the reason I was not able to get out of harm's way before I was dealt the blow of the violent energies sent out to others on the earth by Sharifa that came speeding toward me behind the wheel of that car was that I did not know at the time that there was a God who I could interact with or reach out to from this world. And so, all of my life, I felt trapped "down here" with nowhere to turn for answers, or understanding, or safety.
I am only now coming to know there is a more to this world than I had imagined. And that I can grow to understand more fully, through feeling all of my own emotions, past and present, completely, just what the nature of this universe and it's creator might be.
I have become aware of a few things about the accident. Firstly, that the energies that slammed into me originated with Sharifa. These were forces of violence sent out intentionally by and through her to injure others. Secondly, I did not believe at the time that I could get myself out of harm's way. In general. When it came to these forces. Thirdly, I had promised to help Sharifa in the hours before her death. I had told her I would go the ends of the earth for her if she would only choose to stop this movement in her soul and choose the light over the darkness. It was that night, in the midst of her overwhelming life, that she laid down and died. And, it was four days before anyone found her body. Four long days where her Maggie, Belle, Spidey and Suzy and two other pets wandered the house in confusion.
It is frightening today as I sit here feeling how much this other woman, Alice, who lives nearby despises me. I do not even really know her. Nor does she know me at all. She just hates my guts for doing something that I feel was right and loving to do for an animal I care about and who is a friend of mine. And, knowing....feeling the venomous rage she feels for towards me....the totally destructive force of hatred she is directing at me for simply caring about a dog and wanting to bring some kindness and joy and love and companionship to an innocent pup....well, it scares me. The dog is Sharifa's dog Belle who Alice adopted after the accident. Who she now acts out in in cold and uncaring ways. She is really mean to her and wants to destroy me for trying to bring a little love to this poor pup who has endured way too much of these energies. By the time Sharifa died, Belle had a tumor the size of a grapefruit that hung down from beneath her heart. While I was in recovery, unable to return home for five weeks, Alice "fell in love" with Belle, and paid to have the giant tumor removed. And, so, I let her adopt Belle, even though I knew in my heart she could be mean and possessed and would likely act out on her. That is horrible to admit.
Intellectually I understand that something is provoked in Alice when she sees me love Belle. This has happened to me all throughout my life. Just as it did with my father. I go to act in a way that feels right to me....aligned with truth and divine love....and someone becomes livid and unleashes the "wrath of God" upon my soul for being kind. It just infuriates them.
It has been so confusing. So disturbing to me. To be so hated for being who I am. Especially when I am doing something that feels right and loving. In this case, I am bringing some kindness to an innocent little animal who is being acted out in unloving ways and is suffering deep sorrow because of it. This movement of mine, the pure desire I have to tend to this lovely creature, is met with an assault that looks....that feels....just like the impact that brutalized my body when that car slammed into us.
I turn in search of validation and to find clarity about all this. I reach out to yet another neighbor and friend for love and understanding in the face of these energies and all the confusion. I reach out to be loved by, yet again, another injured soul who cannot possibly support me. Someone who herself is overtaken by dark energies frequently....unless she takes her medication. And, she is still deeply held inside of a family system where similar violent spirits move freely to destroy at random. And, often, she shares her devastation with me. But, always disclosing a strong belief that these assaults are to be accepted. Valiantly.
So, it is everywhere. The darkness, the rage, the compliance, the distortions, the commonly held beliefs that it is all the way it should be. That this is just the way of this world and that we, or I, must shut up and accept it.
Just as it was when I was a child and I turned to my mother...reaching...reaching out....crying in desperation for help....there was none to be found there. And, so it is today.
What is new is that I know I will open up myself to divine truth and divine love more and more in the days and years ahead. This is something I have not done before because I never knew that it was possible to reach beyond the consensus of the collective and draw into this world....into my own soul...a greater love than the love I have found here until now. And, I am certain, that as I do this, I will feel the love, the compassion and the understanding that has never existed for me among humans in the midst of circumstances such as these. Because so many of us have been so affected by the darkness here on earth and we carry deep devastating wounds and are still silent and compliant in their midst.
Late last night I was watching the movie "Gandhi". I was surprised to learn he was shot to death after a long life devoted to nonviolence, when I suddenly got up and decided to take out the trash. At the gate, I heard a tiny ringing sound. "Belle? Is that you?" I was overjoyed! It was my lovely friend Miss Belle who had come see me. She is just a darling girl. And she has been through hell. I was so happy that she was here. I invited her in and she wagged her tail and I pet her and hugged her close and told her how much I love her and how I missed her so much this week. And, that I was sorry I could not come to see her anymore. She trotted into the house and gobbled up Suzy the Cat's food and drank all her water. She was really hungry. That made me sad to see. It disturbed me to know that she is being left hungry when there really is no need for that. Especially after everything she has endured.
I felt afraid. Not sure what to do. Should I call Alice? She would be angry that Belle had come here. It was after 10:00 pm. I wanted to keep Belle here with me for a while so we could catch up on all the love we had missed out on this week. But, I knew I needed to call Alice and tell her Belle was here. So I did. She was cold when she picked up the phone. I was not scared of her anymore. Not after receiving the full frontal, full-on assault from her last week. Both barrels. I had spoken the truth to her in love and she did not like what I said. She turned my words into other things that I had not said and then turned on me in rage.
"Hi, it's Moti. I just wanted to let you know Belle is here. I went outside and she was at my gate," I told her.
"I've been looking for her. Going around and around the block", she said, I could tell she was livid with Belle...and me.
Before she could go on about how "bad" Belle is I asked, "Can she sleep over here tonight?" "Um...ok", she said.
"Great, bye", I hung up quickly. I was so so happy. So relieved. It felt like a gift from God.
It was amazing. You see, just a week ago, I was attacked so forcefully by Alice over my love for Belle that I thought I would never get to see her again.
The story goes back to the night I was hit by the car. As I was laying in the road, not realizing how injured I was, but unable to get up, I started screaming out to anyone who might hear me. "Help! Help! Somebody HELP ME!" I knew Maggie was under the car that had slammed into us full speed. She was yelping and crying out in pain. My giant dog, and most beloved friend, Bear was there with us, but I did not know if he, too, was hit. And I needed someone to help protect us before another car came and hit us all again.
The young driver was still in his car and it was still moving. And I was screaming, "Stop. STOP. MY DOG IS UNDER YOUR CAR!" He had finally stopped the car, but was not getting out to help us. Anyway, it was Alice, who happened to be in her house nearby watching "Ghost Hunters", who heard my screams and came to our rescue.
She did not recognize me. "It's Moti. Can you help us? I need someone to help us not get hit by another car." And, she did help us. She works in safety at the local mine and she went into work mode.
Anyway, that is how I came to know Alice. And how she came to enter into, and try to take over, my life. And, that was how Alice came to ultimately adopt Sharifa's dog Belle.
You see, Sharifa had died four months before. It was a strange and intense death. She had struggled for decades under the influence of rage and rageful spirits...inside of an unloving decades-long marriage. Culminating in her husband's newly born love affair with another woman. And those struggles, and my relationship to my own core terror in the face of people influenced and possessed by rageful spirits, had led me to that very moment of mine, laying broken in the middle of the road...unable to reach or comfort Maggie screaming, stuck underneath a car and dying....and sweet, innocent Bear so scared....exposed to things unimagined.
I have stood paralyzed in the face of violence from the earliest days of my life. I have been struck down and brutalized when I dared to not be silent. And, I am so overwhelmed with grief at how harmed I have been as the result. I am beginning, at last, to understand how these events have come into my life through core injuries from my earliest days and the beliefs and behaviors that I carried forward from that time. That there is no loving God I can reach to or communicate with from here, that there is no way to achieve safety for myself on the earth when it comes to violent energies that people and spirits are throwing around, and, that it is safer to stay still and remain paralyzed in silence when in the midst of people who have these energies moving through and around them.
I remember the moment the car slammed into me head on. I was waving my arms and screaming, "Stop Stop Stop!", and I knew, the very second I was hit, that it was connected to Sharifa.
For a long time, I thought that it was the random energy she had set in motion on the earth during her lifetime here, the forces of destruction that she had unleashed, that had slammed into me. And, I believed, they were released from this world in that instant. That seemed so clear to me as it happened. Even though it took me by surprise.
I think that is why I never felt much anger toward the young man who hit me. He was simply a pawn in her game.
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