by Motavenda Melchizedek
In the hours after sending the “letter to one of my sisters”....and receiving her response....I feel the need to write more about this issue of how to exist with those with whom we share a past in which we were victimized and where those who lived through those experiences with us remain steadfast in their loyalty to the abuser.
It is dark. It is devastating. It is sickening. It is hopeless.
Most people just drink, or take drugs or mutilate themselves in the face of these things.
I understand why people do not break these cycles of abuse. It is too much. It is too much to endure further hatred and the deeper levels of desecration that befall those of us who do, for we were so weakened and compromised by the initial sacrificial acts.
My sister blames me in her response. As though it is I am who am to blame for the estrangement. I am not to blame. Our father is. Our mother is. She is.
I do not have the capacity to sacrifice myself to the dark matrix of child abuse. And that is what she wants from me. Because she carries that energy through her loyalty to our common abuser.
I think of all of the little children. The little girls and boys who dwell in the world where these energies still run rampant. And I have no choice. I am incapable of sacrificing myself...my soul....my innerchild into the vicious and vile pool of darkness that leaves them to live a reality where this evil continues unabated and unaddressed.
Each and every choice we make as individuals about our own histories creates the world where the innocent must live.
There is no validation for my words. Only in my own heart and soul. Others who still sacrifice their innerchildren to the darkness of their past can only see my stance as cruel and unnecessary. And this does hurt me. Still, I have no choice.
I will not participate in the sacrificing of the souls of the children of this world. Not mine, not my sister's. Not any child.
I condemn what was done to me. And I am fierce in the face of such evil. As we all must be if we hope to create a world of light for all to live in someday.
When we continue to sacrifice ourselves to these dark energies, humilating anyone who speaks up, making them out to be crazy, wrong, mean, dirty, we are participating in the perpetuation of deep evil upon this earth.
These are not abstractions. Within our very decisions regarding our own childhood histories and the sealing our fates or in condemning ourselves to accepting evil, we become the very agents of creation of the darkness on this earth we all share.
We live in world where speaking out against the darkness is rudiculed and demonized. Here, in the midst of the unhealed family systems, the light is considered dark. Which confuses everyone and makes it oh so difficult to face it down and dispel it.
Let us not forget the dangers of the darkness in these days.
Let us not make choices regarding our own souls...that might feel forced upon us by the bullies of abuse to accept as ok...let us not choose things that leave the innocents among us in danger.
After sending that letter to my sister, and recieving her response, I was feeling that sickening feeling of those people controlling the world...how they have held the power here....then I remembered I have this site that I created here...and I decided to publish the letter I wrote last night...I feel much better now.
I am not at their mercy...and if there is anyone at all who I can empower to break free from similar energies....I at least now have all the tools at hand...to share my truth and to empower the light...and these people have no power over me or my ability to fulfill my path in this world...woohoo.