by Motavenda Melchizedek

I was thinking as I was watching one of many talks on the impact of the new age path upon our relationship to God and how it can lead us into estrangement from our capacity to embrace a desire to receive God's love as presented here in the teaching on The Divine Love Path, it made me begin to reflect in new ways on my own work.

Granted, I myself am now just weeks into realizing that I can actually turn toward God in this body in this lifetime and begin to open my own heart and soul to a conscious relationship with him/her....and, though I did chronicle much of my process of emotional integration around my child abuse experiences with regard to many things over the past decades....I have never, until these recent days, even begun to know on the conscious level how greatly my early life effected my ability to desire God's love. I had not ever even dared to think I could know that it was even a possibility.

It was not until these teachings appeared on my path, that I began to enter into...that place of transformation. Before now, I lived only underneath and at the mercy of what I felt was possible given the state of the collective...and that was terrifying and led me to feel desperate to effect others and wake them up.....which I am facing now was unloving in many ways and I am grieving that deeply now that I am free to release that way of being.

Now that I see others actualizing the next part of the journey....where all that integration work I did through the years actually pays off...I cannot even tell you how relieved....overwhelmed and ecstatic I feel. Knowing it was all worth it. And I feel so open to change and to continue my healing, where I had been stuck in such hopelessness regarding find ways how to complete what I was wanting to that I see what is to do....and what it is I am on the earth to experience I am released.

I have been crying endlessly....but it is with just such a sense of overwhelming relief.....before hearing this work I was so utterly frustrated and feeling so hopeless in my search for a way to move into love and peace and harmony. To live in the place I had held as my devotion through loving my soul in the midst of such an unloving world.

Anyway, I want to continue share my own early and current writings case they can be of help to anyone wishing to see an illustration of the journey down into the world of feelings. The work written years ago, and well before I even knew I could feel the love of God in this world in this lifetime is from a time when I was limited in my understanding of the big pitch. Still, it does illustrate one person opening the doorway to feelings....and surrendering to that journey. So, I will keep this work online and then will add to it the lessons I am learning now as I have entered upon The Divine Love Path.